Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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