meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm just crazy horny about you
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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