I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just had sex on a roof
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
