Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
