he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
