I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's official drugs can't kill me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
