I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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