wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
