You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
