her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
