Say something about gay babies.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
