Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
