I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
