16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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