Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
