I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize