I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
