The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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