did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
