Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The adults are the big ones right?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
