Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
