I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
