I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Randomize
