I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
