I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
