somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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