I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
