Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
