Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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