I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
