i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She said her name was "party"
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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