You don't have asthma, your pregnant
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
dude. I can hear the air.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
