Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
