Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
