Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
