I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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