So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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