I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
