i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm just crazy horny about you
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
