At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
