i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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