shes about as inviting as chlamydia
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
