I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
