Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
