Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
