dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
