By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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