and you said cock pushups were impossible
Too much gin, very little bucket
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need moral support for this bender
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Randomize
