Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Couch. On fire.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
