you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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