im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Randomize