His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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