If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will pee on everything he values.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize