You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Randomize