my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
