Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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