I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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