Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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