just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
