his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
