I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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