Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
