Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I am puke

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(573): View more from Missouri

Small penises have feelings too.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it

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(786): View more from Florida

She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick

(305): View more from Florida

I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.

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(805): View more from California

You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.

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(250): View more from British Columbia

In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.

Fav 2 2839 1140
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(248): View more from Michigan

We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.

Fav 2 2252 1187
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(801): View more from Utah

This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack

Fav 2 167 90
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(870): View more from Arkansas

Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.

Fav 0 118 35
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