i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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