Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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