Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
