i love accidental penises.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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