so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
