masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
